Symphony of support, I like that, that we’re all “talking the same talk” even though we may not be “walking the same walk” but we all know which “walk we’re walking.” What are some suggestions for the treatment parents who are caring for these children who are traumatized?

The first thing is that it’s always a challenge to tease out whether the behaviors are related to the trauma. When you have children who are aggressive and oppositional – who are running away, who are unsafe, who are cutting themselves or hurting themselves, who are suicidal, or who are using drugs – let’s assume that you know that it’s really related to the trauma. It’s heartbreaking. I have seen it. I’ve lived through it. Although I would say, however heartbreaking it is, however hard it is, try to keep in mind that you’re doing an incredibly wonderful thing to open your heart and your home to these children who are injured and that there’s always hope as long as there’s life. As long as they’re alive, there’s always hope.

Unfortunately, you don’t always see the positive effect of what you’re doing for a child immediately; that kind word or patient gift that you give a child, you might not see the positive results of it today or tomorrow or next week, but it stays with children. It takes time for a garden to bloom. I’ve had children who I thought were not really hearing what I said and two years later they called me to say, “I need to come and see you.” That’s when I realized that what I was saying and what I was doing was actually sinking in and they were ready.

This same sentiment holds true for the parents, too. The parents actually spend more time with the children than a therapist or a doctor does. Therefore, they have to remember that every kindness that you give a child, every moment you spend with them, every understanding word you give, every moment of patience that you spend, it’s felt. Every bit of trust you give them is felt, even if they don’t show it. It’s absorbed and even if it seems that it’s not absorbed, it’s put in the bank. It’s planted into the soil and it takes time to germinate, but hopefully it will. So much is not in our control and these children have wounds that you can’t just put a bandage on and it will get better tomorrow. It’s not completely in our control as therapists or as foster parents, but what foster parents are doing is so much beyond what a therapist or doctor can do. Foster parents give such an incredible and warm gift to these children, and yet you can’t measure it by the behavior you see tomorrow or yesterday. You measure it by what these children become in ten years, and you have to keep that in mind.

Those are wonderful words, inspirational. The last question is “What are some resources you could recommend for us?”

I would recommend the following:

www.musc.edu/tfcbt
www.pittsburghchildtrauma.org
www.nctsn.org
Cohen, J.A., Mannarino, A.P., & Deblinger, E. (2006) Treating Trauma and Traumatic Grief in Children and Adolescents. New York: Guilford Press.

On behalf of FFTA and the Research Committee, I would like to thank you for spending this time with us. This has been very informative, and we appreciate it.

You’re very welcome.

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Editor’s Note: Paul Brylske, MSW, LCSW-C, is the Director of Treatment Foster Care for the Kennedy Krieger Family Center TFC in Baltimore, Maryland.